I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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