Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
