is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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