My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
