how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
