Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
