I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
