There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
