throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
