If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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