if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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