He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
