i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
