I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
