names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
