Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
