Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
