Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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