drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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