Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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