anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
