Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have aggressive nipples.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
