I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
