Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
