My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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