I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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