I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
