OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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