I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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