I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
