Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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