we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
