Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
