I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You are a genius and a whore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
