why didn't you poke me back
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
