I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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