Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
