he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
