So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The Olympian is in my bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
