I got chris browned last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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