so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
