i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
