I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
