Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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