Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
