the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
