I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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