dude i'm inner monologue high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
