You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we're making bets on your personal life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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