i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
