HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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