Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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