3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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